


trois portaits d'un oiseau qui n'existe pas

by stillskies



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 03:25:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillskies/pseuds/stillskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Children will always belong to their mothers, but as they get older, they belong to other people, other things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. waxwing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 10-12-2008.

The plane is twenty minutes late in taking off, and Kouyo-san is tense beside her. She places her hand over his, and he turns it over, squeezing hers gently but distractedly. She smiles softly to herself and looks out the window at the world below her.

From so high up, the clouds look solid, as if she could walk on them. She remembers the first time she and Kouyo-san had flown with Akira-san, how he had looked out the window in rapt awe, and asked in a small voice if this is where the gods played.

Akiko closes her eyes. From the moment he was born, she knew. She knew that he would be Kouyo-san’s child, and it made her so happy to know that she could bring the two of them together, even if that meant that she herself would be the outsider in her own family.

She looks at her watch. There is an hour until the first stone is laid, and she knows that they won’t make it in time, just as she knows that Akira-san does not expect them to be there, because he expects nothing from them because he has everything. 

Sometimes, when she is lost in thought, she wonders if there is more that she could do to be there for them. She travels with Kouyo-san to support him, but that leaves her son alone. She wonders if Akira-san gets lonely, but Kouyo-san reassures her again and again that he has Shindou-san, but it doesn’t help to salve the itch that spreads through her every time they leave.

_Attention passengers, we will be arriving in Narita Airport shortly. We apologize for the delay, and thank you for choosing Japan Airlines._

Kouyo-san is beginning to relax the closer they get to Japan. It will take them at least twenty minutes to land and get to their gate, another ten minutes to unboard, five to get to the main terminal and hail a cab, and thirty more minutes before they’ll arrive at the location of the Hokuto Cup. At least an hour and fifteen minutes before Kouyo-san can see Akira-san’s game. 

She will wait in the spectator’s room while Kouyo-san goes to the discussion room, and she will blend into the background, smiling pleasantly and making small talk with the people around her while she waits for her husband to reappear.

She will remain the quiet support that doesn’t belong, and she will love them anyway.


	2. hummingbird

He is sitting at the table, reading the newspaper. She knows that he will be in Tokyo on business that day, but doesn’t inquire as to whether or not he will call upon Kiyoharu while he is there. She is well acquainted with his views on the subject of their son’s career.

Chie pours tea into her husband’s cup and takes the empty breakfast dishes to the sink. The Hokuto Cup announcement is sitting on the counter, a silent reminder, and she runs her fingers over it carefully before returning to her husband’s side.

He is folding his newspaper, putting it into his briefcase, and she is walking him to the door and wishing him well as he leaves.

As soon as the door closes, she sighs. She understands her husband’s frustration, but she also knows that it is important to let children choose their own paths, and she wants to support them, but he makes it hard and Kiyoharu is going so far. She has spoken to his instructor, has heard how much he has improved, was impressed upon the importance of making it through the pro exam.

Her husband cannot see past the uncertainty of a future based on a game that is declining in popularity.

Her son cannot see past the desire to do something with his life he enjoys.

She finishes the dishes and looks at the announcement. _Good luck, Kiyoharu_ , she says quietly to the empty room.


	3. quail

Mitsuko isn’t sure what the appeal is, but she wants to support Hikaru in any way she can, so she wakes up a bit earlier than usual to make Masao-san breakfast, and leaves.

Her father is waiting for her, impatiently tapping his foot and glancing behind him to check the time. She smiles politely, goes inside to say hello to her mother, and returns to her father’s side.

 _We’re going to be late_ , he grouses, and Mitsuko sighs and apologizes.

He talks about his old games and his recent games against Hikaru, and she asks questions, hoping to _understand_ this game that has seemingly taken her energetic son away from and replaced him with this boy that she loves with her whole heart but doesn’t quite know.

He is explaining _yose_ , and how Hikaru’s gotten sharper, is able to read further and further ahead, and she wants to say that she doesn’t get it, except that she does, because she and Hikaru are in endgame, and she can read far enough ahead to know that he is worlds away from her, even though he is still _there_ , and nothing she can do will bridge the gap.

They are at the Institute, and a nice girl hands them a program. She opens it and sees Hikaru’s name, right under Touya-kun’s. Her father looks over her shoulder and smiles widely, proudly, because he understands so easily the things she tries and tries to understand.

 _Second board_ , he says, and there is something in his voice that makes her think this is an accomplishment, if only she knew what that accomplishment was.

They take their seats, and he leans over, telling her that he’ll explain the moves as they’re played, but by midgame, she can only see stones and patterns and an endless sea of black and white that she’ll never comprehend.

She stands up, letting her father know that she’s leaving. He frowns at her, telling her to stay, but she shakes her head.

As she leaves the room, the only thing she truly understands is that this is the world her son belongs in, the world her son fights so hard to stay in, and the only thing she can do is continue to support him in ways that she understands.


End file.
